thinking about the immortality of the crab1

life shouldn't seem this strange

the silence is sequentially arranged

softly spoken [say it back]

synchronisation of the heart

the crisp air inflates my vessel

                               ' breathe

the morning sky is purple

my coffee is brown

do we see the same colours

look up

no really, look up

    i know you didn't sign up for this trip because i didn't either

this     spinning rock is the spaceship through every[no]thing

an infinite blackness made of brown and blue

        and it's not empty its infinite

                 ====== freedom

but it's still easy to feel lost when an albino looks at you like you're the alien

            what the fuck is an alien –

they say you stare long enough at the abyss and it stares back at you

                       i think that it can all be so

beautiful if you let it be

                hear the wind rustle the leaves

                the cool breeze breathe

                the trees move together

           the leaves kiss 

    for now i spend my minutes well

while trying to understand what it means to wake up

and where possums sleep

but i spend my nights watching the moon

i wonder if our eyes meet reflecting off that mysterious glowing orb in the sky

                                                                                            i wonder if youre smiling, setting your clothes out before bed, studying, family, coffees, friends, running, filling your circles, dancing, learning, good music, the way that the light comes through your blinds, or how good bed feels on a cold morning.

    

sometimes the empty bed feels emptier

i miss you there, but

how lucky to have felt it

i was young and naive and said the meaning of life was love

but i realise now i was just young

        we're just living for the first time,

we don't know shit from kaka

    i love without understanding

deeply and infinitely. the person not the idea. let yourself feel. if there was nothing and grief, choose love. life moves fast, if you don't stop and look around every once in a while you're gonna miss it. I'm so cooked I'm so cooked I'm so cooked I'm so grateful.

oh, and crabs don't live forever stupid

, nothing does

-d

how low can you go <<[[[ LIMBO ]]]>> loco-

THE MOBIUS STRIP OF OFFICE CUBICLES, THE ONLY AIR POLLUTANT IS CHEAP PERFUME MIXED WITH COFFEE BREATHE AND THE EVERLASTING SOUND OF THE

k  e.  y bo   a    r   d     c.    l.   i.   c.   k      s .          IN THE STRANGLING SOUND OF SILENCE...

UNTIL LUNCH WHERE IT'S TIME TO TALK ABOUT YOUR [CURRENT] FAVOURITE ENTERTAINMENT 101100011010 YOU [gluglugglug] INTO YOUR BRAIN TO CHARGE AFTER THE MIND-FUCKING NUMBINGNESS OF CORPORATE CULTURE 

"my brain just doesn't work after 3pm""

it's the same shit different day

how are you? they say

                        I'm okay

[i just miss the old days

like birthdays and holidays

days when it was cool to run away

sleepovers, bike days, coffee dates

summer's over you need to forget

but today

its jus the same shit different day]

my days are blending, stretching infinitely as an unchanging strip of grey

i rub my eyes red

maybe that's why the flags looked white

my sleep is full of hope

my wake is full of nope

        i see my face | ɘɔɒʇ

        i am a mirror | яᴏяяɪʍ

    is there more to it than this?

107takemesomewherenew

early morning I'm on the train

    in wedding attire coz im married to the money

my temples thumping

    i watch

            neckCRANKERS EVERYWHERE

CRKCHKCRK eeeRRRR [crank]

high functioning sleepwalkers

        mum was right its those dam phones

all ears cuffed + lungs puffed with a pink strawberry-queef nic box

       / cancel_sound

       / cancel_vision

       / cancel_health

       / cancel_brain

become NUmb NUM bum NUMB

why do we strangle our senses?

so i arrive,

silent number crunching for me mm mm mm

around me the trudgers lumber to their cubicles         -normally late because the clock numbers don't matter right ha ha

the suit and tie with the shoes mostly shining but with a light scuff on the right side of the left shoe because you stumbled [the shoes are hard to walk in]

fables from floor 44

subject1: you uhhhh, buzzing-into-the-meeting-tomorrow-morning?

subject 2 (slowly glancing up from phone): 9;30?

 1(eagerly): nah i think its 9.

2: you sure?

1(definitely sure + bringing phone to prove time allotted for useless meeting): uhhhh yeaugh.

 2 (zero fucks to give): ah, ill be there

oh oh oh and make sure you don't talk in the elevators

that's an unwritten rule i learnt the hard way

even if someone talks to you

you're meant to look away at a random spot in the ceiling pretend not to hear another human being standing 30cm away from you

i mean who can blame them? 

how can you possibly remember how to be human when your life is...

DRIVE METAL BOX FROM  WOODEN BOX TO RIDE METAL TUBE BOX TO

  WALK IN OPEN AIR [YOU CAVE DWELLER]

...FOR 36 SECONDS... BEFORE ENTERING TALL BOX TO SIT IN A SMALL BOX TO WORK ON THE LIGHT BOX AND USE A SMALLER LIGHT BOX TO NUMB ANY CHANCE OF HAVING A THOUGHT OR FEELING BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE BAD AND SCARY AND WOULD TAKE AWAY FROM BOX-TIME WHICH PUTS...

food on the table. and clothes on your back. and a roof over your head. somewhere safe and warm

HERE LIES HUMANITY:

coffined in a Babelonian maze of office blocks

an infinite stretching of desk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk

after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk 

after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskafter desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after 

clickclik  click swwwwuuuuop cliack clak clk kchk clickclik  click swwwwuuuuop cliack clak clk kchk clickclik  click swwwwuuuuop cliack clak clk kchk 

chair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after

chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchairchair after 

after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairafter chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair

after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairafter chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair

 

and yet the compulsive craze to climb the corporate ladder

        lusting for gratification

[someone validate me. pleas. a radio show. a column. the money. a job. a promotion]

i am average

and i have let my average be validated

by the poeple and places around me

FOUR-DIMENSIONALLY FUCKED

i look behind me and see in front of me

                        free falling through time

its all grey and black

                                    my nose doesn't stop bleeding

                my eyes are so red

            i cant see, i don't know where i am

but the world keeps spinning with persistent propulsion through a preposterously, absurdly abysmal abyss
Our orbits were just so slightly imperfect

               The world always changes

The people never changing

                                        a cranker wants forever new, forever more
                        to combat the slog of everyday

what do i gain but comfort from monotony

i said that i don't know anything about the next week of my life
lemy said: "isn't that exciting"...

but there is something gorgeous here -

light cuts through the clouds right on cue

 a dance of orange and pink and blue

the sun sending beams in every hue,

                    so i can set my eyes on someone like you,

it felt like your scent i already knew

                                                            i tripped and fell in, I'm blaming my shoe

but there was nothing i would've rather do

there will never be another you,

                                             but.

your eyes lost light and told me its thru,

i wouldve held you, if you wouldve too,

delusional thoughts, too good to be true

you remind me of the colour blue.

a freefall of tears frozen in time

full cheeks and heavy lips embalmed on my mind

for some goddam reason, i cant leave you behind

 i don't understand you, but my love is blind

hoo roo, hoo roo 

you remind me of the colour blue.

the rose makes it easy to overlook the leaves.

we live nothing more than a series of fine details - so easy to brush past because you want the big picture. a puzzle is made of small pieces. when they come together and you stand back it makes sense why each one went to each place. we can't live in the present with hindsight. the pieces just have to be laid. sometimes in the wrong position, you have to take some away and put them back. it's no use trying to do it any other way though. i wouldn't want to do it any other way 

if the puzzle was already made it wouldn't be any fun

HOW YOU SPEND YOUR DAYS IS HOW YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE

TAKE REASSURANCE IN THE GLORY OF THE MOMENT AND THE FOREVER PROMISE OF TOMORROW

-d

4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE

transient(s)

[D] became aware that the moment one attempted to measure a moment, it would be gone:

the truth is we change without ceasing

I wish i could hold a moment in a glass jar and put it on my shelf
                                                                              let it gather dust
                                                                     the flashing lights and
                                                                              thud of the drum
                                               your eyes made my heart beat faster
                                                                     your skin against mine
                                                                        the taste of your lips
                                                                                           a bite

the remnants of your scent on my bedsheets
how do i wash this away

I'm told that pretty birds fly away

it would be against its nature to keep it caged

but by god was it beautiful

imperfect, impermanent, incomplete

beauty in the tragedy

        we had something real
                                            life as I've known it has ended
and I'm still trying to understand what has replaced it
i am a mirror in a liminal space
my days...
            blip

mais tu me manques

how dramatic am i being on a scale of 1-10

your shadow lingers
````` I'm trying to lose it

                                                    by checking:

flight prices

rent prices

job listings

r/solotravel

can take my physical away
                     but somehow,
i cant keep you away.
                                                                    and
           id rather do nothing with you
than something with somebody new
because i'm always looking at yesterday when tomorrow comes
                i could be more present
this moment only lasts for right now
not something i want but i need
       to embrace change

                    and ignorance is truly bliss
        [imagine to not know the high they're missing]
            so let's pretend we're strangers
Let me get on my costume
                                                hold on a sec
blend in with the crowd
                While we pretend

to do something important
            All a ruse to try and forget you
because I couldn’t know you and not love you.

yet you never find the same person twice

                    not even in the same person

i wont forget you though
            you will be in my jar of wistful memories
            that ill blow the dust off

when i need to teach my son about heartbreak

or when i need to remember what love feels like

i wonder if I walked past you in the street

would we just exchange glances

-----------

my dreams lie to me

i don trust how i feel

I'm playing myself

i still feel my pocket vibrate with the phantom of what was

and it's weirder because i still look at my phone and want to see your name

i don't trust how i feel

how do i let go

how am i supposed to let go

timetimetimetime

the sun's going down
        look up at clouds
        the orange and pink
    if you just looked up
                      sunk into the grass
                            they’ve been there the whole time
they're going to float away

just like everything else

so I'm smiling that i just got to see them
                    that one looks like you


one thing more important than time
      is who we decide to spend it on

-d

ps. to everyone watching
comment below
who is entertained by my pain