im a different person to old me
and when i see people who know old me
its like a little bit of old me crawls in
and i don't need the old me
dave in retrograde
a conversation about a party i didn't know
a grimace creeps on his face
contemplating
justification of why i wasn't invited
and finally an invite I'm not even sure i was seeking
finally.
i am socially validated through a facebook event
you see
caterpillars become goo before they become butterflies
electronic shocks say that they still remember pre-goo them
i remember pre-goo me,
when do i flap mywings better
sometimes i just crash into the ground below and it gets hard to get up
but i still do get up
sometimes i don't even know why
i remember riding my bike down to the beach
to my friends house
my legs building with lactic acid,
bubbling and broiling beneath my skin
the wind blowing against my face
i felt so alive
i always say the hardest weather to ride in is wind
this invisible force that always wanted to push me away from where i was trying to go
my brain is akin to the wind
really,
i have not been able to escape the whirring thoughts inside my brain
the storms that plague my days
sometimes i find comfort in the chaos
sometimes i yearn for sun
why do we all feel so alone?
do i have not friend nor foe?
a different perspective, the same one
the sinking reality of being.
the most and least connected to people at the same time
the flicker of brands and names that don't know me
and provide nothing to me
my eyes dance behind their lid
caesar said the best way to die would be sudden and quick
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