i dont get me but i will

the invisible wall between me and my reflection

who do you see when you look at me

    i look in your eyes and see myself

                    wearing a chrome mask 

        and the skin of a human

the revered dream of a lost cause

the collective effervescence of cold sores

 sometimes i pretend to be normal in normal situations because otherwise the normal people will think im not normal. but normal people are weird. i don't think I'm my brain or my body. there's something else there

i look up from the bottom of the mountain and i see nothing but the moon. i climb and see behind me but i look forward and i cant make out anything through the trees. i walk in for eternity in a timeless attempt at understanding. i kept walking up mountains and because thought i wanted to get to the top but then i realised that climbing mountains is fun. and sometimes falling is apart of it, sometimes u get a scar but it reminds you that you were climbing mountains and then you see someone else's scar and you think dam we're really just climbing mountains here 

but i cant understand people pretending they don't have scars

        the burn reminds you that you're alive
                and now you know the bliss that comes with cold water
                and the feeling of a first kiss
                and those late night phone calls where time doesn't exist
                            and my heart beats quick
        i remember taking my first breath.

it feels like too many times too recently
            I've been told I'm disillusioned.'

i didn't even know what that meant

and then i learnt its being in a funk or to be down the mouth or the 'why the long face' –

a horse walked into a bar and said I'm thirsty and the bartender obliged and the horse replied you cant force me to drink that cunt

i feel like id rather be disillusioned than illusioned
                            but then i wonder

why do i always expect more

do i expect too much

can i ever be satisfied

is being happy just being happy

i think that

success is a subtractive process

because somehow i can never do enough in a day
excess incarnate
            because i refuse to ache of unfulfilled potential
                                                                                        or be scared of who i could've been

my life in my hands

don't die wondering

i choose this fig
            what i do for my people
        the next generation
                i want to change the timeline

I want to plant a seed whose tree provides shade for generations.

the 100-year-project

all i know be patient
                and show up
you only win by losing
they'll either pay you for your soul or to experience it

so I'm conflicted when i think should i close my book a bit
am i leaving my book open

no.

        find yourself in me because i find myself in you
                                                    i am the people the people are me

    we are the culture, so

create with your soul, pay attention to the finest details no one sees but you. big things are just more small things. and how you do one thing is how you do everything. and sometimes you don't get the roll of the dice and sometimes you don't perform how you wanted and sometimes u weren't ready for the opportunity. but if you're to ever do it, that's just food for the journey. tomorrow is another turn. one day or day one. because if on your deathbed you can say with a full chest and a straight face - yes i tried my best, with everything in my power i TRIED AND WORKED, but it just didn't go my way, you still win.


know that earth is just a rock without the voices of art

sincerely yours

-d