thinking about the immortality of the crab1

life shouldn't seem this strange

the silence is sequentially arranged

softly spoken [say it back]

synchronisation of the heart

the crisp air inflates my vessel

                               ' breathe

the morning sky is purple

my coffee is brown

do we see the same colours

look up

no really, look up

    i know you didn't sign up for this trip because i didn't either

this     spinning rock is the spaceship through every[no]thing

an infinite blackness made of brown and blue

        and it's not empty its infinite

                 ====== freedom

but it's still easy to feel lost when an albino looks at you like you're the alien

            what the fuck is an alien –

they say you stare long enough at the abyss and it stares back at you

                       i think that it can all be so

beautiful if you let it be

                hear the wind rustle the leaves

                the cool breeze breathe

                the trees move together

           the leaves kiss 

    for now i spend my minutes well

while trying to understand what it means to wake up

and where possums sleep

but i spend my nights watching the moon

i wonder if our eyes meet reflecting off that mysterious glowing orb in the sky

                                                                                            i wonder if youre smiling, setting your clothes out before bed, studying, family, coffees, friends, running, filling your circles, dancing, learning, good music, the way that the light comes through your blinds, or how good bed feels on a cold morning.

    

sometimes the empty bed feels emptier

i miss you there, but

how lucky to have felt it

i was young and naive and said the meaning of life was love

but i realise now i was just young

        we're just living for the first time,

we don't know shit from kaka

    i love without understanding

deeply and infinitely. the person not the idea. let yourself feel. if there was nothing and grief, choose love. life moves fast, if you don't stop and look around every once in a while you're gonna miss it. I'm so cooked I'm so cooked I'm so cooked I'm so grateful.

oh, and crabs don't live forever stupid

, nothing does

-d

how low can you go <<[[[ LIMBO ]]]>> loco-

THE MOBIUS STRIP OF OFFICE CUBICLES, THE ONLY AIR POLLUTANT IS CHEAP PERFUME MIXED WITH COFFEE BREATHE AND THE EVERLASTING SOUND OF THE

k  e.  y bo   a    r   d     c.    l.   i.   c.   k      s .          IN THE STRANGLING SOUND OF SILENCE...

UNTIL LUNCH WHERE IT'S TIME TO TALK ABOUT YOUR [CURRENT] FAVOURITE ENTERTAINMENT 101100011010 YOU [gluglugglug] INTO YOUR BRAIN TO CHARGE AFTER THE MIND-FUCKING NUMBINGNESS OF CORPORATE CULTURE 

"my brain just doesn't work after 3pm""

it's the same shit different day

how are you? they say

                        I'm okay

[i just miss the old days

like birthdays and holidays

days when it was cool to run away

sleepovers, bike days, coffee dates

summer's over you need to forget

but today

its jus the same shit different day]

my days are blending, stretching infinitely as an unchanging strip of grey

i rub my eyes red

maybe that's why the flags looked white

my sleep is full of hope

my wake is full of nope

        i see my face | ɘɔɒʇ

        i am a mirror | яᴏяяɪʍ

    is there more to it than this?

107takemesomewherenew

early morning I'm on the train

    in wedding attire coz im married to the money

my temples thumping

    i watch

            neckCRANKERS EVERYWHERE

CRKCHKCRK eeeRRRR [crank]

high functioning sleepwalkers

        mum was right its those dam phones

all ears cuffed + lungs puffed with a pink strawberry-queef nic box

       / cancel_sound

       / cancel_vision

       / cancel_health

       / cancel_brain

become NUmb NUM bum NUMB

why do we strangle our senses?

so i arrive,

silent number crunching for me mm mm mm

around me the trudgers lumber to their cubicles         -normally late because the clock numbers don't matter right ha ha

the suit and tie with the shoes mostly shining but with a light scuff on the right side of the left shoe because you stumbled [the shoes are hard to walk in]

fables from floor 44

subject1: you uhhhh, buzzing-into-the-meeting-tomorrow-morning?

subject 2 (slowly glancing up from phone): 9;30?

 1(eagerly): nah i think its 9.

2: you sure?

1(definitely sure + bringing phone to prove time allotted for useless meeting): uhhhh yeaugh.

 2 (zero fucks to give): ah, ill be there

oh oh oh and make sure you don't talk in the elevators

that's an unwritten rule i learnt the hard way

even if someone talks to you

you're meant to look away at a random spot in the ceiling pretend not to hear another human being standing 30cm away from you

i mean who can blame them? 

how can you possibly remember how to be human when your life is...

DRIVE METAL BOX FROM  WOODEN BOX TO RIDE METAL TUBE BOX TO

  WALK IN OPEN AIR [YOU CAVE DWELLER]

...FOR 36 SECONDS... BEFORE ENTERING TALL BOX TO SIT IN A SMALL BOX TO WORK ON THE LIGHT BOX AND USE A SMALLER LIGHT BOX TO NUMB ANY CHANCE OF HAVING A THOUGHT OR FEELING BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE BAD AND SCARY AND WOULD TAKE AWAY FROM BOX-TIME WHICH PUTS...

food on the table. and clothes on your back. and a roof over your head. somewhere safe and warm

HERE LIES HUMANITY:

coffined in a Babelonian maze of office blocks

an infinite stretching of desk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk

after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk 

after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after desk after deskafter desk after deskdesk after desk after deskdesk after 

clickclik  click swwwwuuuuop cliack clak clk kchk clickclik  click swwwwuuuuop cliack clak clk kchk clickclik  click swwwwuuuuop cliack clak clk kchk 

chair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after

chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchairchair after 

after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairafter chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair

after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairafter chairchair after chairchair after chairchair after chairchair

 

and yet the compulsive craze to climb the corporate ladder

        lusting for gratification

[someone validate me. pleas. a radio show. a column. the money. a job. a promotion]

i am average

and i have let my average be validated

by the poeple and places around me

FOUR-DIMENSIONALLY FUCKED

i look behind me and see in front of me

                        free falling through time

its all grey and black

                                    my nose doesn't stop bleeding

                my eyes are so red

            i cant see, i don't know where i am

but the world keeps spinning with persistent propulsion through a preposterously, absurdly abysmal abyss
Our orbits were just so slightly imperfect

               The world always changes

The people never changing

                                        a cranker wants forever new, forever more
                        to combat the slog of everyday

what do i gain but comfort from monotony

i said that i don't know anything about the next week of my life
lemy said: "isn't that exciting"...

but there is something gorgeous here -

light cuts through the clouds right on cue

 a dance of orange and pink and blue

the sun sending beams in every hue,

                    so i can set my eyes on someone like you,

it felt like your scent i already knew

                                                            i tripped and fell in, I'm blaming my shoe

but there was nothing i would've rather do

there will never be another you,

                                             but.

your eyes lost light and told me its thru,

i wouldve held you, if you wouldve too,

delusional thoughts, too good to be true

you remind me of the colour blue.

a freefall of tears frozen in time

full cheeks and heavy lips embalmed on my mind

for some goddam reason, i cant leave you behind

 i don't understand you, but my love is blind

hoo roo, hoo roo 

you remind me of the colour blue.

the rose makes it easy to overlook the leaves.

we live nothing more than a series of fine details - so easy to brush past because you want the big picture. a puzzle is made of small pieces. when they come together and you stand back it makes sense why each one went to each place. we can't live in the present with hindsight. the pieces just have to be laid. sometimes in the wrong position, you have to take some away and put them back. it's no use trying to do it any other way though. i wouldn't want to do it any other way 

if the puzzle was already made it wouldn't be any fun

HOW YOU SPEND YOUR DAYS IS HOW YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE

TAKE REASSURANCE IN THE GLORY OF THE MOMENT AND THE FOREVER PROMISE OF TOMORROW

-d

4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE_4TE

transient(s)

[D] became aware that the moment one attempted to measure a moment, it would be gone:

the truth is we change without ceasing

I wish i could hold a moment in a glass jar and put it on my shelf
                                                                              let it gather dust
                                                                     the flashing lights and
                                                                              thud of the drum
                                               your eyes made my heart beat faster
                                                                     your skin against mine
                                                                        the taste of your lips
                                                                                           a bite

the remnants of your scent on my bedsheets
how do i wash this away

I'm told that pretty birds fly away

it would be against its nature to keep it caged

but by god was it beautiful

imperfect, impermanent, incomplete

beauty in the tragedy

        we had something real
                                            life as I've known it has ended
and I'm still trying to understand what has replaced it
i am a mirror in a liminal space
my days...
            blip

mais tu me manques

how dramatic am i being on a scale of 1-10

your shadow lingers
````` I'm trying to lose it

                                                    by checking:

flight prices

rent prices

job listings

r/solotravel

can take my physical away
                     but somehow,
i cant keep you away.
                                                                    and
           id rather do nothing with you
than something with somebody new
because i'm always looking at yesterday when tomorrow comes
                i could be more present
this moment only lasts for right now
not something i want but i need
       to embrace change

                    and ignorance is truly bliss
        [imagine to not know the high they're missing]
            so let's pretend we're strangers
Let me get on my costume
                                                hold on a sec
blend in with the crowd
                While we pretend

to do something important
            All a ruse to try and forget you
because I couldn’t know you and not love you.

yet you never find the same person twice

                    not even in the same person

i wont forget you though
            you will be in my jar of wistful memories
            that ill blow the dust off

when i need to teach my son about heartbreak

or when i need to remember what love feels like

i wonder if I walked past you in the street

would we just exchange glances

-----------

my dreams lie to me

i don trust how i feel

I'm playing myself

i still feel my pocket vibrate with the phantom of what was

and it's weirder because i still look at my phone and want to see your name

i don't trust how i feel

how do i let go

how am i supposed to let go

timetimetimetime

the sun's going down
        look up at clouds
        the orange and pink
    if you just looked up
                      sunk into the grass
                            they’ve been there the whole time
they're going to float away

just like everything else

so I'm smiling that i just got to see them
                    that one looks like you


one thing more important than time
      is who we decide to spend it on

-d

ps. to everyone watching
comment below
who is entertained by my pain

there with you

    suddenly everything feels a lot colder
being by myself is now lonely not just being alone

time spent with you

            is there loose change between the couch pillows?

there's a part of me that feels

        frozen in time

you lie on my chest while I play with your hair 
    and the emptiness of everythingness was a woe away
                    but for that fragment of time
          our souls intertwined
for what I imagine forever feels like

                                    or the warm air filling my car as we drive an hour to our beach

                            to be mauled by waves

                    i felt mauled by love

        the radio playing light music

    while we talk about anything for hours

        and i turn to see your face

            sunkissed and smooth

            your smile branded on my brain.

    to hold your hand

where your fingers fit with mine,                                        two pieces of an impossible(?) puzzle

                            and you would play with my rings

and grip onto my arm like it was the only thing keeping you in this material world

                                                                        like that was the binding of us

the mundane was the perfect day

        i found my normal

    i smiled with you,                                                 isn't that all that matters?

you helped me realise part of me, i just hope ive done the same for you

but what id do for more of you

           but apparently we were on a collision course for 3 years and we couldn’t do anything about it.

call it fate, call it karma. call it bullshit

       i think about how we first met and all the choices i had to make 
            where i found myself
            there with you

                                                                                            choices choices choices

            loving you was never a choice

but staying was

this fig tastes a little sour right now

my pain of now comes where we just didn't get each other

    that the last hug felt cold

            and you walked away and didn't even look back
i would've donated my left kidney and you 
                                      couldn't donate a conversation when its what i wanted most
and its not like i was blind but i just decided to close my eyes and pretend for a moment
                                                       love
                    and honestly I'm struggling to cry (i was)
            because i already knew when you told me the way you felt
        i just didn't want to listen
        i didn't want this to be us

     i didn't want to believe it was

           i had grieved this loss already once 
i chose to hurt more.
why

        a lesson learnt in the latter part of the day

sunday night past 8pm is when it's going to hurt the most
    not tears but the sinking stomach
    and the left kidney

that goddam left kidney 

i know you'll read this, someday.

[deleted]

-d

war and peace

im pretty good at fps games
    csgo, cod etc. if there's a gun and a man in front of me, i know what to do
I've spent countless hours honing these digital skills (pretty useless)
ive been a different kind of beast on AU servers
        but its kinda hard not to think about it in reality,

and now Instagram has made me death's witness

    i am a primed potential killing machine

fed since birth

    

breathing the same air as i

    one could witness,

a home now rubble, a child now headless

a mother has no son, soon to suffer a similar fate 
    the airwaves densely populated
waves of gunshots and air raid sirens rattle the morning air

    an ultra-hardened super_MEGA titanium-chromium factory-new death machine

        points its big ugly snout at a home

it's alright, 

        things aren't built to last anymore anyway.

here i am though,

    so detached from suffering

an observer of terror
                i feel privileged but lost,

helpless

    compassion makes us human

what even does
        the world has become a funny place
we think we've grown, but we're the same humans but with bigger bombs

the reality of 71-year-old men telling 18-year-old men to point guns at

each other

your mother

your wife

your child

your home

you

in saying this, it's hard to argue against the fact that
            war is nature and nature is war
down to the molecular level of electron transfer and ions
            the rationalisation (+illusion) of competition

                The Super Bowl is rigged

    so are most things

insider trading

    sometimes justice isn't really served

i think i need to write about greed and justice

our need to compede

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST

the sad truth that

        war brings the shareholder value

a financial incentive to kill

what is the value of a human life?

we have an embedded obsession with difference
            violence
somewhere rooted deep within our DNA

rests our obsessive compulsion to eradicate the other side

US VS. THEM

but who is US and who is THEM?

                                                    

                                                     evidently,

we dont change

we do the same things today but under different names

    we are all descendants of the same 
who struggle to learn from history
                a firm reminder that we are just animals
humanity bound by hope

   bemused by the illusion of it

by the narrative ruling public opinion

    who to support and why

if the roles were reversed in Gaza, who would be labelled as the terrorists?

    the algorithm rules the brains of our young
the impression that your impressions will make an impression on those who have power

h ow naive I am to think that i could make a difference at all

money = power

knowledge = power

the propaganda press is perpetual

        a self-feeding cycle

OUROBOROS

    when does it start to believe itself

and the line between reality and

    the one I've created in my mind

                            starts to blur

    how long did it take for hitler to dissolve into his own deceptions

the people fed him as much as he fed them

to become what you speak

how quickly can an idea(-ology) reduce itself to extremities

            and send its swirly-eyed believers to the front line to DEMAP
one of their own on the pretence that they are doing good

    THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH

GOOD INTENTIONS

BREAKINGS NEWS THE DEATH TOLL IN GAZA HAS SURPASSED 30000 SINCE THE START OF ISRAEL'S MILITARY OFFENSIVE IN OCTOBER

both sides HAVE TO believe they are righteous

    how else do you get kids to shoot other kids

                how else can you justify yourself

i write with naivety

    i must sleep and leave this tangent behind for now    

god is dead and we killed him

    i implore you to search within

- d

p.s

anecdote from shadae
father: alex,

    Prisoner of war    

Kill your cousin

    I’ll burn your house down if you dont    

I’ll kill you if you dont

[the only option is to run]

l'homme revolte

  Any dollar earnt over $50million is redistributed 

imagine that

                Im not saying let's do that but imagine that

      DISCLAIMER: i am not a communist or socialist, i am simply begging the question 9(many questions actually)

    its unfathomable in the way our society is built,

it's undeniably the way HUMANS ARE.

i feel i have to disclaim

once people think youre something it self-perpetuates, good luck digging out of that grave

could we narrow income inequality and truly service the people?

        is the government able-bodied enough to make decisions to save us from the corporatist-doom-disguised-as-democratic-capitalism pipeline we are glugging through/towards

    better yet, are we able-bodied and good enough for our own futures to do so?

  

competition is the root of life

see: survival of the fittest

BUT, we have gotten so good at it there is non-competition in big leagues
Coles and woolies duopolised your need to eat

    you smal fry businesses gettin eaten up!!

(I'M LOOKING TO SELL MY TECH START-UP TO MICROSOFT)
Universal Music Group owns half of the waves that ripple the air to vibrate your cochlear which are transmuted as endorphins such as DOPAMINE

    YOU THINK YOU THA SHIT BITCH? YOU AINT EVEN THE FART!!

dysmusliagori ----- your brain has been programmed by insistent repetition to enjoy patterns of music

my brain is so fried i can hardly exist

i instinctually open instagram when i pick up my phone

i feel so lonely and stuck in a cycle i actively discuss and mentally repress

kritor said i should focus on being grateful

i fight the chains of addiction to break free of the state of inaction and quiet desperation

i digress,
    im just tryna point out the illusions of fairness and freedom

    Success is excess

corporatism

a false perception of a free market

the worst is when you can't tell they are lying

there is the stereotype of the uber-rich that they had to be a bit scummy or step on people to get there..

i mean,

a corporate ladder insinuates standing on subservient rung-type guys with greasy comb-overs until you reach the top,

and then what?

    which rungs (or who) still stand below you?

 who was raiders-of-the-lost-ark-esque replaced like a faulty cog in your watch?

    who lost their income and turned to one of the many vices that society endorses (or doesn't), 

their day filled with pots and pokies,

    the endless scroll of the icons across their screen

                        whirly-eyed, transfixed

while their wife and daughter wonder "when's daddy coming home"

and when daddy comes home he's drunk and $1200 poorer and has to listen to his wife whining where he's been but he's been blowing off some steam and she's all on his ass about finances and supporting her and their daughter but he's just not the man he used to be

        a bad day to be climbing the ladder for this guy huh

it's really just wolves and sheep

i'd rather be a wolf

and like wolves, we are simply animal

except we've found the luxury of convenient survival

so we instead chase that DOPA

and money is like an opioid high - the ceiling doesn't exist
            accumulate accumulate accumulate
    how to be content and present
rather riddled with the stress of our imminent and ever-approaching future and what must be done now so you arent one of the replaceable cogs in 10 years time

    you see, my ancestors were sold the Australian-dream of a safe and affordable lifestyle 
i am intensely grateful for this, im not stabbed or starving when i wake up, Ive lived a comfortable life

                    however, i feel our society is on a downtrend

    i got diamond hands, what goes down must come up,

but shit doesn't happen alone

    people have to make a change

l'homme revolt, cest toi?

    maybe a dying breed, as

most people lead a hedonistic life
        obey every impulse and gratify every desire

im 25 attempts deep to minimise my screen time

Delete Instagram and i scroll youtube

we are struggling

culturally

ethically

economically

i sense we are burnt the fuck out.

I WANT SEX SO I SCROLL THROUGH HALF OF MELBPOURNE ON HINGE AND FIND THAT PERSON WHO IS ALSO BOTH SCARED OF FEELING SOMETHING REAL AND WHO'S DOPAMINE RECEPTORS ARE FRIED ENOUGH THAT A WEEKS VALIDATION FROM THE OPPOSITE SEX IS ENOUGH SATIATION OF MY HUGNER FOR BOTH DRAMA, LOVE AND SEX WHILE I SIMULATENOUSLY SCROLL FOR MORE POTENTIAL MATES WHILE I SUCK ON MY BUBBLEBUTT-KIWI-CUM-ICE FLABOURED VAPE AND POST MY $36 DRINK ON INSTAMAGRAM WHILE NOT KNOWING WHERE I WANT TO GO OR WHAT I WANT TO DO BUT I CANT CONFRONT THOSE FEELINGS BECAUSE THEY TAKE TIME AND EFFORT TO PROCESS AS OPPOSED TO MY INSTANTANEOUS GRATIFICATION OF ALL OF MY NEEDS THROUGH A VARIETY OF NUMBING METHODS

so, unsurprisingly,

    the cookies know you,

                trust me those bitches know you

they could almost paint a picture of you

let me try that?

    

        and lo,

i am never satisfied with the amount of work i do

because i haven't earnt a dollar
    im just tryna exist and smile while im doing it
im trying to be someone who inspires thought and goodness in the world
    hustle culture is toxic
the neverending lust of productivity 

cash rules everything around me

    the velocity of cash
the starving artist
    the algorithm-bound mind feeder
                        post post post because the people need to eat 

glugluglguglug

you are what you eat
    an office-bound bottom feeder
            yes sir ill get that to you in no time
my wife's delivering our newborn but i can stay for unpaid overtime
yes
yes
yepper

        yes-man        

a cruel reality; hobbyism is inefficient, 
  two choices when creating:

    either dont. give a fuck

                or commodify until you wanna die

i choose 1

    i suggest you do too

    you must still create.

anything

-d

corporate dystopia

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    a feed-glugging infantiled brain

the algorithmic pacification of your every desire

the self-indulgent samsara cycle

the self-aware, fate-deciding robotnik algorithm built for your every (dopamine) need

monopolised/internationally-delegated housing/public goods market

the

i cant leave my house for less than $20

the invisible hand no longer creates a self-servicing economy

the so-called free market

steve jobs said the people dont know what they want

you're right i dont

            maybe its always existed within innovation

    and this is the natural trajectory

people live about money and money lives about them

chase the bag and forget the rest

    what does life mean to you?

what is the utility of a job where you trade volatile fake value for fake value

the obsession with accumulation and inherency of greed

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            i lost a job i never had,

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renting a two bedroom unit increased 18% p/w in a year

but being poor is a choice right

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                                    dysmusialgori* -

no cabin in woods
gliugluglgui glug

feed the algorithm so the algorithm feeds you

*- a complete loss of faith in the value of music as an art form after algorithm-induced context loops beat your aesthetic tastes into paranoid twitchy pattern recognising amoebazoa

central cee @btv

iykyk

i am a user and creator on these platforms

i criticise myself

 these platforms are becoming larger than life itself

3.5 hours a day on your phone = 53 days STRAIGHT

do something better with your time

we are all a little sick

be less sicker

the consumer dictates the market until they dont

dictate yourself

-d

PS. week or so later

dad enters the house

me- what's up

dad-"nothing much just dying a slow death of overworkedness"

beyond the valley

i found myself in the jungle

the monotonous boom of kick

the rhythm of life

the frequency speakency to my soul

heuh huh heuh huh

the bass shakes shakes shkaes the earth below my feet

the lights melt and implode and are reborn as waves

the thickets of the jungle

claustrophobia

release

please

release

breathe

the jungle breathes

not just it's inhabitants

but itself moves

the flow of energies and shift of density

the blood of the people the

beat of the heart

an enigmatic wasteland

a sinking foot into dry dirt

a cold place with bright colours

a dust storm as the nomads herd to loud noises

never a quiet moment

never a visual cleanse

the final boss of overstimulation

'recreational' substances have a symbiotic relationship with this place

drinking is the extreme sport variant

ssCHHUUU

people committing micro-brain-suicides to enjoy this space

it almost becomes a chore 

99% recovery during the sunned period

the jungle wildens as the sun goes away

-d